The Double Standard of Modesty

Growing up Pakistani means learning very early that what you wear is everyone’s business.

At home, it’s: “Dupatta lo.” “Change that, guests are coming.” “You’re Pakistani, not goray log.”

Outside, it’s: “Why are you so covered?” “Are your parents strict?” “You’d look better if you dressed more normally.”

So basically, you can’t win...

Pakistani Girls Are Raised to Self-Police...

Pakistani girls are taught to think three steps ahead before leaving the house. Is the top too tight? Are the sleeves long enough? Will someone screenshot this and send it to the family group chat?

Meanwhile, boys are out in shorts, living their best life, and somehow never “ruining the family name.” In Pakistani culture, modesty isn’t just about clothes. It’s about how loud you laugh, who you follow, and who follows you. Too modest and you’re “old-fashioned.” Not modest enough, and suddenly it’s, “Log kya kahenge?” Pakistani girls choosing modesty aren’t oppressed, but they also should not feel obligated to perform it perfectly for everyone else’s comfort.

The Real Chai ☕️

The issue isn’t modesty. Pakistani girls choose modesty (or don’t) for faith, comfort, culture, or just because, and that choice should be respected. The issue is that Pakistani girls’ bodies are treated like public property — analysed by aunties, judged by strangers, and constantly up for discussion. Until Pakistani girls are allowed to exist without their clothes being treated like a moral report card, modesty will never be “just personal.” It’ll just be another rule we’re expected to get right... every single time.

Noor Munawar